I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize