Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Randomize
