There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
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