We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
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