I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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