i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Randomize
