Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
there is puke in my bra ... again
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