Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
