It's like a parade of train wrecks.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
