she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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