Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I need a beard to bite.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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