You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
