My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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