Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
The uberlube is also flammable
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Randomize
