Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
