pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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