He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Randomize
