So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Randomize