Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
My ass is underappreciated
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
