Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Randomize
