i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
