They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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