You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
