"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
