Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
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