Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
