Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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