This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Randomize