I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Randomize
