I look better un-naked...
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
He? As in you personified your dick?
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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