I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Randomize
