Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Randomize