my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Randomize
