i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
