ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
