i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Randomize
