I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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