So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Randomize
