One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize
