You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
