I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
