youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
