I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Randomize
