At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
