I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Randomize
