Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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