yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
