I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Randomize
