Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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