You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
