I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
