Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
