My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Randomize
