Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
