Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Randomize
