I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Randomize