How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
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