mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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