dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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