k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
the condom got lost in my hair
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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