apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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