Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
