fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
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