he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Randomize
