"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Randomize
