Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
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