Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize