I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
