After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
