i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize