"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
