I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
