He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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