We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
